How to be the Boss of your Life

by Benay | Aug 6, 2011 | Coaching Skills |

Are you at cause or at effect?

Roughly 80% of the population walks around in a daze of dis-empowerment while the remaining 20% take responsibility for their results and live empowered lives. You can join the 20% by developing conscious awareness of when you are at “Cause” and when you are at “Effect”; deciding if that is where you want to be, and taking action if you need to.

Being at Cause

Cause = Taking Charge = Empowerment

Those who choose to take full responsibility for their current situation and emotional state are living at Cause. This is the life of self-reliance, results, action, possibility and empowerment. To live at Cause, you must take responsibility for your results.

Example

Results - Take responsibility

I am healthy because… - I eat well and exercise.

I’m unhappy at work because… - I am bored with the repetitive nature of the work. I know I have more to offer so I’m going to ask my boss for more challenging jobs.

I feel overwhelmed because… - I do too many tasks and lose sight of what is really important. I’m going to take some time out for me.

I feel great because… - I am always learning, eat well and get the sleep I know my body needs.

I haven’t found a job because… - I have not started looking yet.

I’m unhappy at work because… - I don’t want to invest in building relationships with people I don’t respect.

I don’t exercise because… - I have not prioritized exercise in my life right now.

I can’t be successful because… - I have not found the combination to success yet.

Being at Effect

Effect = Victim = Dis-empowerment

Those who choose to blame their current situation and emotional state on external forces such as another person or event are living at Effect. This is the life of being stuck, making excuses, telling stories, blaming, and being dis-empowered.

To find out if you are living at Effect all you need to do is hunt for the excuses you tell yourself and others about the results you are getting in your life.

Excuses are when you blame/credit your results to something that is external to yourself – things you have no control over (e.g. your boss, your genetics, luck, fate, the weather).

Excuses can also be disguised as actions that are realistically within your control, but you have unconsciously chosen not to take responsibility for them (e.g. being too busy, not fitting in). It’s as if you have released yourself from taking responsibility for yourself by creating this concept of “too busy” and made it external to you.

Example

Results - Excuses

I am healthy because… - I have good genes.

I’m unhappy at work because… - the work is boring.

I feel overwhelmed because… - people in my life give me too much to do.

I feel great because… - its sunny outside.

I haven’t found a job because… - I have really bad luck.

I’m unhappy at work because… - I don’t fit in with the people.

I don’t exercise because… - I’m way too busy looking after my kids.

I can’t be successful because… - I had a really terrible childhood.

How to use Cause or Effect in your life

1. Notice when you are at “Cause” and when you are at “Effect”.

2. Decide to be at Cause as much as possible.

3. Move yourself to Cause by reshaping your language so that you are taking full responsibility for your actions and results.

Exercise

Now give it a try for yourself by answering these questions:

1. What results are you getting in your life?

2. Where in your life are you living at Effect (excuses, stories, blaming others)?

3. Where in your life are you living at Cause (taking responsibility and action)?

4. What can you start to notice about yourself to be more at cause?